When a submissive trusts a Mistress it is almost limitless what he/she will do for her. Where does this dance take them? That’s the fun part for them both. I’ll discuss some examples of “where this takes them” and how important trust is for a D/s connection. and what responsibility each partner has to nurture and grow their trust. They are basic principles we should utilize in all of our relationships, and so very important with BDSM and kink play.
Many Styles Of Kinky Connections
We know there are many different styles of connections, in person with a professional Dominatrix. Maybe you are into your local BDSM/kink group and you find play partners there. There are intimate relationships that have a kinky or D/s dynamic for play (sex) and are more or less egalitarian outside of the bedroom. There are lifestyle committed relationships as Dominant and submissive twenty-four-seven. So although some things might be different depending on your connection, much of what I’ll be mentioning today will also apply to all styles. So for this post, I’m going to focus on professional distance domination. Why? Um because that’s what I do!
Building Trust In Your D/s Relationship
There is a lot of trepidation with any first-time session with a new Mistress. Even more so for those reaching out for the first time. So when you reach out and negotiate your session, be it the first few moments on the phone. Via an email or other query, take heed to how she makes you feel, during that time. Is the mood of her responses or requirements not what you expected? Everyone has a style, and if you two don’t fit. You don’t fit. Doesn’t matter if she’s a heaven-sent Goddess, if she requires high protocol and is strict and you are looking for a more sensual or casual style, the trust will be hard to attain. Part of trust is having a commonality, that will help you push through any trepidation and help facilitate a feeling of ease. A submissive yearns to let go and give up control. Can you truly let go if you don’t feel comfortable?
A Submissive Trusts A Mistress When
When a Mistress takes time to listen and pay attention to your skill level and desires, you feel seen and heard. Mistress will guide the conversation to gather the information she needs and ask questions when needed.
Consistency, and having Mistress’ words meet her actions. Did you request a sensual session for your first play and you feel she’s being very strict or demanding and your ideas of sensual do not jive? As a submissive, it is your duty to communicate with Mistress. Every Mistress has her own boundaries when it comes to negotiation and aftercare, and should always give you an opportunity to discuss your experience and hear your feedback. Mistress should always encourage you to communicate, in the way that fits her boundaries. My pets know I’m always open for their reports, I love to get an email about our session, it makes me think of you and smile all over again! Other Mistresses may want you to only discuss things in session.
Celebrating you. Mistress should always encourage you and celebrate your accomplishments. With any style of Domination, and however, you define a celebration, acknowledging the efforts of others honors you both and raises that trust level.
Building Trust When Things Are Not Perfect
It’s easy to build trust when it’s all butterflies and roses, but what about negativity? I have rarely received negative feedback but when someone mentioned something they didn’t care for, I listened. I appreciated their feedback and we went on to play again, and again and again. They were not met with a laundry list of whys and wherefores. Deflecting your thoughts and feelings and going on a tirade of why I’m right and they are wrong. At the most, they would receive a question or two to clarify their experience for me, but that’s it. I think the only criticism I can think of ever getting was using a term they didn’t care for, or I was a bit heavy-handed on the Lovense toy!
No harm no foul, and Mistress is here and I “hear you”.
When A Mistress Trusts Her Submissive
She will push those boundaries and you’ll be a joy and a constant source of entertainment and friendship as well as a playmate. We are real people playing long distance, and it is very real and can be very intense. Some feel that’s not for them. Perhaps they are under the impression it’s not as hot, or impactiful somehow. But the connections I make are very real and the mutual positive impact we have on our respective journeys is adored!
Mistress might even be willing to push her boundaries and engage in play that she never considered! As mentioned, where will the dance take you?
Kinky To Increasing Domination
From an occasional stroke toy, with guided masturbation, and asking for permission to orgasm, as negotiated. I always say yes (per our negotiations) to oh so much more as our journey continues! Do you see your journey in the below? How one behavior led to another, as the trust grows and boundaries are pushed heady elements of increasing amounts of humiliation are introduced. Your boundaries as everyone can read below, were pushed more and more. Pretty much, if I said an activity turned me on, and you could provide it, you absolutely did!
When A Submissive Trusts A Mistress
Boundaries are pushed, consensually. The previous play, and our dynamic build that trust, your submissive mind will naturally open and crave new experiences! Perhaps try anal for the first time because you trust me so much and know I will take very good care of you. Steps can move swiftly or take time to evolve, for you to come to me and say “I’ve been thinking” or for me to suggest “Have you ever thought of this?”
Slap and Tickle: New to each other, have a great sexy time, and as mentioned above, you edge “Mistress may I cum” Yes. As we continue, on subsequent sessions, maybe one “no” or two, but not much more. The way I handled your cock you keep coming back for more! Makes me smile. One time when you called I edged you quickly, hard over and over saying no, No NO! I pushed you very hard and you kept that cum in those balls! Oh the moans, the begs and I taught you how to beg to please me!
Then one day you are curious you read a blog of mine and called. You mention it and it thrills me on many levels. One is “Oh yes, I have him HOOKED, the other is that you are paying attention. You are engaged with me by reading my blogs, and commenting when we are not in session. What blog was it? Maybe it was a guided masturbation blog, maybe it was chastity? Maybe it was a ruined orgasm blog. But something flipped, a switch, and when you began to engage with me from there on with increasing amounts of control, and yes more trust.
Asking and Requesting New Play
Months go by, we increase our play. Putting you to more and more challenging “tasks” because I love cock, and well, you have one. How many edges can you do for me? How long can you last? Hold that edge! OH MY! Our journey is filled with ruined orgasms, they are magical. They make you feel more submissive, and absolutely make me feel that control! I know how HARD it is for a guy to perform an RO, and how easily you learned thrills me!
Of course, our journey your cock is now my property. Locked in a chastity cage or other types of chastity for me, my denial slut. Oh, how sweet are your cries when I redden that ass? The hot swats on that ass as My cock gets harder and leaks so much more, yes, please! Spanking slut.
You came to me with a little anal training but boy oh boy has our play exploded from that prostate massager and Girl cock. You became my anal slut, oh what a ride! You were always a bit of a nipple slut, suckers, and clamps make you moan!
Oh, cum slut is a tasty moniker you’ve earned for me! Naked stroking pounding that sweet starfish with My Girl cock-slut. Humiliation slut, although you always loved being called a slut, I think you will agree the humiliation has ramped up! What did I miss?
So Much Is Possible When a Submissive Trusts A Mistress
This isn’t a must-do list and everyone decides what they would like to play with and what is a hard boundary. What kinks do they wish to play with? Can you identify your journey in any of the above? I hope you can if we have played! Trust is a building block for all healthy relationships and in particular with this erotic play.
Looking forward to your comments!
Until We Chat ????
Intelligent Phone Fantasy
Hi Goddess Erika, Very interesting post. ????♂️????♂️????♂️ It is true what you are saying about trust. Look how long it took us to do dark room sessions instead of normal sessions. I do trust you because of all of the sessions we have done over the years.
I have been thinking though is dark room sessions still a form of distance domination. It likely is but on these sessions you never speak to me and are never in the same room as the phone i am on and i never hear anything. I say it is though because i am always in subspace and love every minute of dark room sessions.
Interesting points, slave! Distance Domination, how do you know you are “doing it”.
1- is there distance between you, no actual my hands on you?
2- Are you behaving submissively? Doing as told?
If the answer is yes to them both, then it’s distance domination! WOo hoo!
I’m thrilled you love the darkroom sessions, as I enjoy them as well.
Hi Goddess Erika, I guess it is distance domination in the dark room.????♂️????♂️????♂️ I just was thinking about it. Number 2 is a yes as i do obey you. for example i follow the rule of never speaking unless i am addressed first. In the darkroom session i am never addressed by your office and never speak. ???????? I also obey you by never leaving the phone during the session no matter how quiet it is. I do obey you.
????????????????See? *pats head* good slave, perhaps I’ll permit a bit of sugar in your gruel, today ????
Goddess Erika, Thanks for letting me have a bit of sugar in my gruel today. ????♂️????♂️ I was also reading About Mistress Erika page on your blog as it has been updated. I knew you were from Pennsylvania but didn’t know you were a Philly Girl.
Hi Slave! Good for you to notice, I did update my about page! Yes, I was once a “philly” girl and picked up some not so “nice” habits on
dealing with challenges. Luckily I’ve worked them out of my day to day but a bit still resides deep inside for me to pull from, when needed!
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hey mistress love from India. I’m a crossdresser.I really want a mistress to dominate me to humiliate me and give me tasks.Im looking since long time. If you want me to be your submissive slut reply me . I’ll definitely follow your all commands. Thank you
Good morning mistress. What an amazing blog. It made me think of our journey. You took me from stoic, to places I thought I would never go. That’s because I trusted you and still do. Unfortunately the time we spend together is not nearly enough for me. When we do get together, you make it feel like we’ve never been apart. Thank you for all your patience with me. Thank you for getting me to a place that only you can take me to, unless it’s a two mistress call lol. And most of all, thank you for being my friend. You have a very special place in my heart. It will always be yours.
Hi Bob!
Thank you for taking the time to comment! I am so pleased to be that safe place for you to be naughty! It’s true, I absolutely understand the ups and downs , tug and pull of everyday life and getting
in the way of our fun! You are absolutely welcomed back anytime! ????????
Wonderful, wonderful post! I love your many sides and ways you take control… Not to mention the incredible Temptations you present too, an unworthy sun like me!
Even when… Maybe especially when… Those Temptations get me in trouble or
Hi prissy! I loved your performance on Kink Korner last night, it was fantastic!
Thank you for stopping by, and it’s true. I love getting you in “trouble” ????????????????
I mean it’s so easy being caged and pussy free for…………. how long?
Let’s see …I’ll be pussyfree for 10 years in December…. And I started getting locked in chastity in 2015….(with progressively longer lock ups and progressively shorter cages over the years ????
And thank you so much for the Kind words about the song… I’m always nervous whether they are any good… your compliment means a lot … thank you again
Wow, I know it was 10 years, I wanted YOU to say it to my fans! Good gurl prissy! *pats head*
Certainly Mistress Erika, I can identify with many elements in your post. My journey of course began with a comment on one of your blog posts. My my, who knew? What a magical world I entered once I “submitted” my comment.
Now of course you know through my writings and confessions that I was a naughty little thing well before introducing myself to you.
However I have come even further along the kink highway since then…(with Mistress Erika behind the wheel)
Chastity? Yes! Love, love, love being locked for Mistress. Then handing over ownership of my little bits…(cannot honestly refer to it as a cock now can I Mistress?). Especially since I revealed it to you. (Another step in the journey)
You’ve introduced me to my new all time favourite…the Ruined Orgasm!
Releasing my tribute for Mistress without climax is something I cherish and I eagerly complete my assignments and pray Mistress will order a “caged ruined orgasm”
Something I could not fathom just a few years ago.
Becoming a faithful pet of yours is something I will be eternally grateful for Mistress Erika❤️
As I have said to you often, “I cannot believe how lucky I am”
Thank you.
My pink peg!
Thank you for stopping by! Yes I’ve learned since you first introduced yourself what a naughty journey you’ve been on!
you are a source of smiles , in my day and knowing you are pantied and locked for me, fantastic! I am lucky to have
such dedicated and devoted pets, like you! ????????
Loved this blog! ❤️ You have played with me and have pushed and blasted by boundaries I would never thought of exploring. I love when you bring up new boundaries to explore. Thank you Erika! ❤️ ???? ????
Thank you, pet! You are fun! Oh there’s a boundary , well perhaps a physical limitation (better said?) that we need to work on, and YOU KNOW what I mean
I know our roleplays are so Fin hot but it’s your one job to hold it, isn’t that right AE? ????????????????
Yes it is Erika. Thank you for the appointment the other day. ???? Always love our sessions. ❤️ ???? ???? ????
You were on fire! Loved our session!
And how powerful the Mistress becomes as the subbie falls further and further down into the hole of trust and there are no longer any secrets.
Does the subbie worry outside of fet play that Mistress has too much information? Of course he does. Is he now helpless? Of course he is.
And the cycle then continues to feed itself. Time for some new photos, subbie…
hello short stuff! Damn I missed this comment! Your anxiety, trepidation over what if is my treasure, along with the plethora of intimate files! Keeps subby submissive and compliant!
I am continually drawn back to the power of this blog post’s title. The power that a beautiful, intelligent Mistress like you has over the submissive mind is frightening…and frighteningly addictive.
Even typing this, I can hear you laughing out loud when you read this. It’s genuine laughter, which makes it so much more demoralizing…and arousing.
I become a little more frightened of and a little more intimidated by you with each session.
And our relationship is truly built on sessions; to refer to them merely as calls would undermine the therapeutic impact on me. And regardless of my opinion on that matter, I am all too aware that you would absolutely not tolerate that kind of attitude.
I trust you implicitly, Headmistress Erika, and I fear you tremendously.
It is my privilege to be one of your many faithful sad sack subbies.
Fuk sad sack, now I have to go change my damp panties!
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My panties are soaking wet too!
I saw, I SAW you juicy slut! LOL
Hi Goddess Erika, I have been thinking lately about everything..????♂️????♂️????♂️ Especially my place in the universe of Goddess Erika. It seems for some reason i haven’t done enough to be in my place often enough. My place isn’t to do calls during normal sessions but to fill the vacuum in your office after hours. I just don’t think i have done enough to fill that vacuum in your office and that is my job. the ratio is to much out of whack. The real callers during normal hours have done their jobs while i need to be much better at my job.
Hello slave! So good to know your head is in the right place! “Goddess Erika’s universe” I’m amenable to hearing your ideas how you will fill that vacuum in my office when I am not there!
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Hi Goddess Erika! ????♂️????♂️ The biggest way for me to fill that vacuum in your office is by doing even more darkroom calls. I have been able to send out more money lately so i think it is doable. Then of course in the addition in our contract says that 1 out of every 3 months i have do one of 4+ hours once your day is done.
I will have think about if there is another way for me to fill that vacuum in your office when you are not there.
I am hoping to be better at my one job in Goddess Erika’s universe from now on. Everyone else has done a much better job then me in your universe. That has to change for your slave.
I also think that fill the vacuum in your office is my way of doing a figurative speech. I didn’t mean that i would actually fill a real vacuum and vacuum your office. ????♂️????♂️ Unless you order me to it though then i have to obey.????????????
LOL Oh slave you might not have what I need between your legs, but lawd have mercy on that wit! LOL You are always good for a smile and giggle “actually fill a real vacuum”
You are right, tho. You do have a higher hill to climb!!
I’ll put on my thinking cap too, email me with your thoughts as you have them. ????????
Goddess Erika, I should have a higher high to climb.????♂️????♂️????♂️ Just how much higher should that hill be though? So i should figure that out.
slave, quite the astute observation! If you take our pyramid analogy , that would be a great place to start!
Wow Goddess Erika. ????♂️????♂️ If we go by the same pyramid analogy that we use for the social hierarchy then i have a lot higher hill to climb. I think it would be fair though. Everyone would win. You get more relaxation and get paid for it. Then i can find out if your office is always so quiet no matter how many hours i spend in it.
Yay! You’ve come a long way, peanut smuggler!